Life has a lot of repercussions of our past actions followed by our retrospection on what we did and then our reparations for mending the wrong we did. I have been making a lot of these reparations for the repercussions of my past actions. My first mistake was studying so hard all my life for no reason. I was in a race to be the first one without knowing where I was going or where I wanted to be. I was not good with physical activities. To hide my insecurities I made sure I excelled in something at least to keep my confidence high. There were two repercussions. On was I started gaining weight and now I am unhealthy to the point where I feel I want to go back and change this part of my life. The second repercussion was that I started doing things under pressure, not realizing where my actual interest was. Now I am just dissatisfied with my life. My second mistake was, I was always too emotionally dependent on my friends. Because I was so emotionally attached, I expected a lot from them. I expected to the extent that when I didn't receive what I wanted, I hated them and treated them badly. I am paying my dues for that now. I lost all my friends and now I am learning to live my life alone with no emotional support. The third mistake was not facing life challenges. I was always too scared thinking that I am just different and not everyone goes through what I go. Probably not everyone does, but at some point, they did and faced what came their way and came out with flying colors. I just ran away when a problem came and now I just have to face everything together at the same time. The fourth mistake I did was not accepting who I was and what I felt for someone. I was supposed to speak up and leave the rest to destiny. I chickened out and now I just regret what came next. I should have accepted what came my way and learned from it. Instead, I was angry to the point where my mental health started degrading. I have made a lot of mistakes in the past, but the good thing is I can look at them and retrospect what went wrong. I know I can't be the same person I was before. No one can. I just want to be a better version of myself tomorrow. I wanted to write this because I need to go to a shrink tomorrow and talk about my issues. I need to finish my thesis in the coming months and get my degree. This is my future and in my hands. I want to make sure I don't fuck up this time.
Is it politically incorrect for someone (specifically a girl) to use abusive language for friends and then pick on the other ones on her facebook wall? I hope not. I live in times when sharing of a sophisticated relationship is only with enemies and fair-weather friends. I cannot hug my girlfriend and say, "OMG!!! Sweetu I missed you. You look stunning today." Even if I did miss her, I would rather drag her by the collar, smell her and say,"Bitch!!! Did you even take a bath?" My facebook wall is for my friends and not someone who reads each and every post of mine and then start scrutinizing me as if the next thing I am going to do is upload a nude picture of mine. Life isn't hard, but people around you try hard to make it just that. I came to a halt before unfriending my friend's Mom. Maybe this was not such a good idea for my well cultured and sophisticated image on her. Ask me, do I even care? Yes and no. My facebook interactions with people I know, are ...
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